3 Sure Ways - to increase self esteem

Not everyone can honestly say that we have the highest self esteem..In fact, some may even say that they are sure they have difficulties with their self esteem.As you continue to read, you will discover 3 sure  steps to enhance your self esteem, but you must complete these steps yourself.

Step # 1 -Begin with self acceptance -
The hardest things for many of us to do, is to accept who we actually are. Constantly observing what other people have, how they look , the way they dress and the accomplishments they have achieved. However instead of realizing that we are not that person, we may being to question  why don't I have that? Why don't I look like that ? Why haven't I accomplished the same things?Learning to accept yourself for who you are and what you have is first needed before you can ever develop a higher self esteem

Step #2 -Surround yourself with positive influences-
Ever heard of the saying , birds of a feather flock together? Well, it is not just a cliche'. In fact there is actually some truth behind this concept.When you are feeling low, the best way to overcome the slumps is with positivity. Positivity if a form of energy- if you constantly surround yourself with it, you are more inclined to see the brighter side of the situations

Step#3- Avoid feeding into people's negativity -
Why do you allow yourself to become so distraught after hearing other people's opinions about you or what you are doing?Fact of the matter is- these people do not matter. One thing that you must realize is that, you can not please every one all the time , so why not simply stick to pleasing yourself? Sounds a little selfish , I'm sure. But 1 thing that I want you to realize is that every one that smiles in your face, is not your friend. Unfortunately, this is usually because they are not being the best person that they can be themselves. However, you must not allow them to hinder you from achieving your goals or life ambitions. The choice is ultimately yours !

The Lady OR The Tramp

As a woman, I feel as though I am entitled to make the comments that I am about to make. If you are offended by the comments in which I will make throughout this blog, then it is highly probable that this topic applies to you. However, this posting is not made to demane, devalue or demoralize any person: Simply put, it is to encourage you to examine yourself. We've heard it all before "he needs to treat me like a lady". Yes , absolutely! He should and so does everyone else. However, in order to be treated like a lady, then you must first carry yourself as a lady. I'm sorry to say, but many FEMALES do not act like ladies, they act like tramps.  I am not perfect, I have had moments in which I could have possibly presented myself in a more appropraite manner. However, wisdom comes with age , and experience - which ultimately causing the development of maturity, if you allow yourself to mature.Okay, "so what exactly is a Lady Tiff some might ask" ? I will be more than happy to elaborate on this for your understanding.

First and foremost - if you want to be treated as a lady, carry yourself with respect. That means ladies- leave something for the imagination for these fellows out here. Ever heard the saying - any attention is good attention ?: NOT ! A lot of women feel as though if they are wearing clothes revealing different parts of their bodies that men will respect you. More often then not- he won't. Yes , you will probably be able to "pull" a lot of men, give your number out a lot and have many friends of the opposite sex.However, you will never be viewed as the "wifey" material by dressing that way nor will you probably ever meet the parents. However, you will probably encounter several late night phone calls to "chill" and he might toss you some money or go on dates every now again- if you are lucky. Please do not be swept off your feet by a couple of dollars though- that's simply to string you along and keep you interested. But if that is how you are willing to be treated, then who am I to judge ? Do you.

 A lady does not have "cuddy buddies" or "friends with benefits"- she requires commitment.Like I have said before , I am not here to judge- just want you ladies to start being treated as such , by simply demanding it. In other words- we gotta make these men work for the goodies- prior to giving it up . Think about it , why would any man want to buy the cow , when he can get the milk for free? Now, like I have said before- if that's what you are willing to accept, then cool. A lot of times I hear women saying - "no, we're not in a relationship, but he's my boo" or " I don't want to be in a relationship either". But yet, the two of you are acting as if you are??Doesn't really make sense when you say it out loud huh?If you are not ready for a relationship- than that's fine and dandy- just make sure YOU are not because YOU are not . Not because you are making justifications since he is not. If not- you will end up hurt, feeling used/played and alone in the end- trust me, I know the feeling. In other words, a lady knows what she wants and requires it- a tramp is willing to accept anything and justifies things to reassure herself. So fellow women- I ask you today, to be honest with yourself- completely honest. Are you willing to be treated as a tramp? Or will you demand and present yourself as a lady?

????????                                                                OR                                        ?????????

                                 

My Final Goodbyes ( original poem created 2002 )

I ran into my room

after slamming my door

all I wanted was love

not anything more

I lifted my pillow

as I reached for my knife

in my heart I was ready

to take my own life

I slowly relaxed, as the blood poured

I wanted my mom, whom I truly adored

My head started to get light , and I began to daze

now I regret doing this , since I had straight A's

Sister do good , and don't follow your peers

keep your grades good because college is near

Brother-you know that you're the man

You will make it to the NBA, I believe that you can

Mother don't cry, you have my love

but now I must fly away like a helpless little dove

But really quick before I go,

there is one last thing Dad that you must know

Even though in my heart I never knew you

I still want to say that I love you too

                                                                                                - Tiffany Holden , 2002

*Some of you may have experienced suicidal ideations or the behaviors of cutting previously within your life. Others may have close friends or family members that have done this as well. Nevertheless, always remember- regardless of the situation, suicide is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So KNOW YOUR WORTH

Should Homosexual partners raise children?

As, many of us know, there has been a big controversy in today's society in regards to homosexual couples raising children. Some say there is absolutely nothing wrong with it at all and it has no effect on the children's upbringing at all. While on the other hand, others might say oh heck no- how can 2 gay parents raise a children to be straight? Well that is  a good question- but I would like to provide you a different perspective. If this statement is accurate, then how can 2 straight parents raise a child to be gay ? Something I would like you to ponder on: feel free to share your insight and your beliefs-IF you are bold enough to do so !

Do u Know who you really are?

It happens so frequently. If one is to ask you , who are you...so many is quick
to respond by simply providing them with their name. For instance I may say -
I'm Tiffany , whereas you would share with them your name instead .
However, so many fail to realize that our name is solely a title-that's all.
When it comes to who we actually are, it requires a deeper understanding of
ourselves, something that only we can answer independently . It is unfortunate
that so many live their entire lives, without developing an adequate
understanding of themselves. So many do not know what makes them happy, or
smile. Some people may not realize what pastimes they enjoy engaging within, nor
are they able to express a favorite hobby. Only few people can express where
they receive their ultimate satisfaction and their future aspirations.
Nevertheless, more people are able to quickly provide insight to what upsets or
angers them. Therefore, readers, I would like to challenge you . Challenge you to find yourself- not to prove me wrong, but to prove yourself right!

Never learned the Word No ( original poem 2002)

                                           

Mom went out to work one day

even though her daughter begged her to stay

Later the girl went to her room  and cried on her bed

you're nothing but a mistake is what her father had said

She wasn't an idiot or rejected

the real problem was that she was neglected

You see , her father had beaten her until she was blue

and her ABC's was really all that she knew

She looked at the door, as it slowly began to turn

And this particular thought made her stomach churn

She knew it was her father turning the door,

not only did he want a hug , but he wanted much more

Slowly her father entered and began caressing her leg

And shut up girl was all that he said

She smelt the alcohol lying on his breath

anything was better than this feeling- even death

The girl began to scream out in pain as loudly as she could

Although it appeared that her suffering was not understood

This has happened to her several times before

But it seems as though, her father came back for more

Her father finished up, and turned out the light

And simply replied "Oh yeah baby, don't let the bed bugs bite"

Crying uncontrollably, the girl curled up in bed

but was waken when her mother entered the room instead

Staring directly in her mothers eyes

the girl layed her head on her shoulder and began to cry

She wanted so desperately to be loved by them both

But she understood that her parents were not like most

her parent's love was something that she did not know

all because daddy never learned the word no

                                         -Tiffany Holden , 2002

 

* Unfortunately, this happens all so often to children, both men and women- will usually effects them over the entire course of their lifespan. As a child, you are unable to control how you are treated by your family. It is sad, but every person undergoes some type of hardship within their life that is out of their control. However , you have made it- if you had not, then you would not be reading this blog as we speak . Nevertheless, it is up to you how you cope with it as an adult.Join support groups and programs, begin involving yourself in church or sports, start journaling or engaging within extracurricular activities, apply for a gym membership to release your levels of aggression.Regardless of what you choose to do, do something positive. Remember, you have no control over what happened to you in the past a child,  but your future as an adult is exactly what you make it   

Loving yourself , before loving someone else

L_O_V_E : what is the definition of this word? Webster defines this as "strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child  (2): attraction based on sexual desire" ( Webster dictionary,2012). People are often quick to say- Oh I love you, I'm in love with him/her.  However, so many of us continue to struggle developing an adequate understanding of what this concept truly means. Not saying that love is not something that can not happen, however, what I am saying is that how can someone love another person, when they have not yet developed an understanding of loving themselves? When you love yourself you have the ability to maintain a self esteem and awareness. You are able to sufficiently comprehend that you may not be  a "super model" , however, you accept the type of person you are- as you understand that is something you can not change. You strive to be the best person you can be- with the use of persistence and determination.Ambition is something that you continue to work on enhancing, as you have life goals in which you wish to complete. You are frequently reluctant to compare yourself to others, as you try to practice self acceptance. You take care of your health, as you realize that not doing so is ultimately detrimental to your survival. You carry yourself in a manner , that demands the respect of others verses the numerous amounts of lustful eyes. You understand that life is full of several opportunities, in which you strive everyday to conquer. So readers, I encourage you to first show yourself love, and if you do not know how- learn. Without doing so, you can ultimately harm the most important people in you life, by simply not loving yourself.