In February of 2007 , I was a freshman attending North Carolina Agricultural & Technical University. I remember waking up to the sound of an alarm. "Dag , I thought"..it was time for me to wake up and get ready for my 8:00am class, once again. However,I soon realized that something was different, I was different. I attempted to call my other, as I usually do on this particular day and informed her of the extreme numbness and tingling that I was experiencing in my hand. At 9 months pregnant, I'm sure she was more so worried that I made it to class on time I'm sure. My mother advised me to rub my hands and I probably slept on it wrong. I concurred , being that I have been known to sleep awkwardly sometimes throughout the night. This was just the beginning.
As the days and nights progressed the feelings went from my hand, to my entire right side of my body. I tried to walk on campus and noticed that my leg was MUCH heavier than I remembered it to be. In fact, every step that I took, felt like a stomp. When I was writing in class, I realized that I was no longer able to even accurately hold the writing utensils.Trying to take the test were extremely hard as well, as I could no longer recall the material, which had previously been easy. I also remember almost falling completely head first down the steps coming back from class, luckily I fell onto a fellow acquaintance instead. At this point I realized, ok Tiffany, something just isn't right.
The following weekend I had decided to return to my mother's home for a visit. My birthday was two weeks away and I wanted to visit my family if i couldn't make it then. Still experiencing the same symptoms, my mom advised me to go to the emergency room , in order to receive the help that I needed- I complied. However at the hospital I was informed that I would have to be referred out- to the University of North Carolina @ Chapel Hill neurology department. sightly confused , I questioned why ? Well Ms. Holden- it's something either going on with your heart or your head. Upon going UNC a lumbar puncture (LP) was performed and I was given many test and lab work. Well the doctors finally returned my call- when I was back into my dorm room. "Tiffany we just wanted to let you know that you tested negative for Lupus" - I was thrilled. "Yes " I thought until they informed me that I have tested POSITIVE for Multiple Sclerosis. I was 19 years old and had been diagnosed with an illness that could potentially deteriorate my body slowly.
I was beyond devastated.Ultimately, once I found out what I was suffering from, the symptoms progressed. I had lost the ability to walk independently, I lost a great number of my vision as well. My speech began to slur and my coordination and balance was completely off. I could not longer drive my car and had to take an emergency medical withdraw from school , just to move back in with my mother again. I could not perform task that seem so simplistic- my mother had to bathe me periodically because I was unable to even hold a wash rag independently. I slipped into a depression and ultimately I had reached a point in my life where I felt like giving up. I looked in the mirror and constantly cried- no longer could I recognize the person looking back at me- I felt like giving up on everythingI lost many friends and even my boy friend at the time, simply because something was happening to my body , that I had no control over. But it wasn't until I went to my mother's baby shower that my cousin told me words that I believed came from god himself. she said "Tiffany sometimes we have God allows us to go through things, not for ourselves but to be a testimony to someone else. U ask God why me, while he's saying Why not you?". That was the motivation that I needed. As I began to receive treatment, I saw myself drawing closer and closer to God. You see, god has the power to show u - who is god. I wasn't living the way in which I should, better yet , the way I was raised and now this had happened. I had no where else to turn but to him.
Despite all those that told me it would be years before I could return to school, I knew a higher power and I had a praying mother- boy can that woman pray ! I began speaking healing to my own body - making myself practice walking again, practiced speech exercises and writing to relearn all those skills over again. This was a huge process, but ultimately I returned to school- except to a different university and graduated on time from East Carolina University with a degree in psychology in the fall of 2010. Currently I am a program director at a psych rehab facility in which i provide assistance to the mentally ill clients...and I can't do what ?
Although this was the hardest thing I ever faced...thus far in my life..I thank god everyday that he chose me ...ME..to be an inspiration to someone else! To me, that shows my strength and the greatest and the wonderfulness of god-within me. Yes sometimes I ponder and reflect on this situation and how it affected me...but if I never shared with you my story, could you really tell? I understand that this is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life, but you know what - big deal! I am still here because God has great things in store for me because I serve a GREATER god.
*A special thanks goes out to my family- especially my mother- I will not ever forget how you were there for me and the countless nights you stayed by my side praying for me... and for that I will love you forever !
Its obvious nothing is going to keep you down. What ever walls build up around you they come crashing down. Almost instantly. If you can't get people to ever read your blog again then make sure they read this one. There's a deep message hidden here. One that needs to be shared.
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